Keeping Christmas Eternal

I should be making Christmas cookies right now. That was on *my* agenda today, at least. But I think the Lord had other things in mind for a little while.

You know how easy it is to look at one website, that's linked to another article, that links to a blog post and then a video and before you know it you've been sitting in front of the computer for over an hour? That happens to me often, but in this case for good reasons. I ran into a series of blogs and websites that was one confirmation after another about some changes in direction I feel God might be leading our family when it comes to traditions, Christmas, and the way we raise our kids.

To visit and be challenged by the blog posts also, click the links here:
Thinking about whose birthday it really is
Ten Things to Do at Christmas when all the Gifts are for Him
The Great Give-Away
and make sure you watch the video here:
Depraved Indifference
(Not very "Christmasey", I know... but it really is the heart of WHY we celebrate Christmas.)

My heart has been changing every so subtly but profoundly over these past few months on our journey with little Judah. I am discovering more each day that God's heart for children is evident and ingrained in the hearts of mothers. My (and Jonathan's) desire is not just to make our kids happy, but to lead and train them gently and consistently "in the way he should go, so when he is old he will not depart from it." (Proverbs 22:6)

Easier said then done, that's for sure.

However, it is SO easy, and as I so often do, to get wrapped up in our cultures expectations and traditions. Especially during Christmas.

The list is long:

1. Buy the presents
2. Send the cards
3. Make the cookies
4. Listen to the music
5. Throw the parties
6. Watch the movies
7. Decorate the house...

And then come January:

1. Recover from the colds
2. Get back on the treadmill
3. Be exhausted and worn out (and just glad its over)
4. Tremble with fear to look at your bank account/credit card...

Now I know that's not always the case every time. I certainly enjoy the opportunities to give people gifts and see friends and family and all the pretty decorations. But I think it is so easy to go overboard and totally overlook the whole reason we celebrate. WHY do we do what we do at Christmas time? Guilt? Because everyone does it? Because it's fun? Is that all there is to it?

Yes, we have an occasional thought in our mind, "Jesus is the reason for the season", and we are reminded at Christmas Eve Service of the nativity and His birth...
But does it stop there or continue in your home and with your family traditions?
Is it engraved and entwined with every cookie you bake and story you read your children?

Are our children going to remember Christmas as a divine opportunity to share Christ, celebrate God's greatest gift and sacrifice, and share these precious moments with our closest family and friends... Are our Christmas traditions reflecting ETERNITY and HOPE? Things that will last through the ages, long after we are gone? Or is it destined to be just another "happy" memory twenty years from now?
(Not to say that creating happy and joyful memories for our kids are a bad thing... "Or what man is there among you who, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will he give him a serpent? If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!" - Matthew 7:9-11)

And what about the poor and needy, the orphans and widows, the homeless and broken-hearted, the lonely and forgotten...? How do we respond to them especially during this time?

Side Note: Has anyone ever had the thought "why do we give money/gift cards to each other? It's just exchanging money between hands... no one really 'gains' anything except the thought that it was a nice gesture."
What about giving something that others can not give themselves (our time, abilities/talents, our conversation and words, our helping hands and feet, our creativity)? What about giving to those who can not return the favor... who won't/can't even say thank you? Could our gifts become more meaningful than exchanging cash in a Christmas card... are we giving just because that's what is expected? What about those who expect nothing, who have nothing, who have no hope, or who have no voice to ask?

Can we take all that Christmas has become, and turn it into a grand opportunity to reach out to those who desperately need not only the basics in life: food, shelter, care, and love... but the greatest gift of all: the gift of eternal life through Jesus??

How, then, can we practically instill that into our children in creative and meaningful ways? How can we create traditions that are more meaningful than just an exchange of monetary gifts? This is what is changing in my heart. I love to give gifts- it is one of my primary ways of expressing my love for others... however, it is important to me that these gifts are seasoned with eternal things that bring glory to God and point to Christ.

Thoughts?

things I never thought about before motherhood

There are things I never noticed before becoming a mother. Things that have made me say, "ah, now I understand/know why", and things that have made me say, "I never thought I'd be doing this" or "I just sounded like my mom". These are a few of those things:

1. Looking for sanitary wipes for your shopping cart
2. Worrying about loud music or what's on the television with children in the room
3. Worrying about children not wearing their coats or seem to be dressed warm enough outside
4. Freaking out when you see toddlers drinking soda and eating mcdonalds
5. How much time you can spend in the baby isle trying to choose a bottle or pacifier
6. Planning doctors and dentist appointments with the thought, "who will watch the baby?"
7. Planning any adult function or trip (bible study, going to visit friends, etc) with the thought, "who will watch the baby?"
8. How long you can stare at a baby as he sleeps without growing tired of his cuteness
9. How irresistible baby clothes can be
10. How hard it is to not buy that amazing toy or book that you know your child won't be able to use for another 5-10 years.
11. How comforting it is to hold your baby
12. Celebrating poop, toots, and burps
13. Discussing your child's future with your spouse: discipline, education, traditions, morals, etc.
14. Grieved at all the 'toys' that have so many lights and noises, it doesn't allow much room to really use imagination and creativity
15. Growing concern about road rage and defensive driving
16. Gravitating towards other mothers
17. Wanting to know more about my family history
18. Being overprotective
19. Tawking wike dis because evwything sounds cutew wike dis, why yes it does!
20. Sleep is a precious commodity


...and this is before Judah's even home with us! I'm sure my list will multiply greatly in the coming months :)

Life Before Conception

"Careerism--centering life around work, not home--is one of the main reasons men and women view pregnancy as a threat and rely on contraception to prevent it. Christians should have an entirely different view of life's purpose than the surrounding culture. Ours is a life of sacrifice, to be molded after Christ's. Both husbands and wives are called to sacrifice their immediate sexual desires for the good of their union; to sacrifice financial success for the sake of welcoming new life (children); to sacrifice their vocational and personal priorities for the sake of being excellent parents. Our lives are to be poured out for others in love."

-"Open Embrace" by Torode, pgs 92-93

Birth Control.
This is an issue that we teeter on often in our marriage. We've found that most couples, even Christian married couples, take this issue at face value and have not questioned the moral and biblical grounds we should base this decision on. Not that I have found the perfect answer, but I do feel it is incredibly important to discuss, pray about it, and research based on God's Word.

Although we decided prior to our wedding day that we would use no hormonal or 'abortive' birth control methods, as time went on in our marriage, we looked more closely at the heart of the issue of birth control.

Birth Control.

Just those words, when saying them slowly, have a selfish connotation. We are choosing to control when we give birth. That idea haunted us in our first year of being married. We used only the calendar method and condoms for the first 14 months and, at first, we saw that as the happy medium to not killing potential life, just preventing conception from happening...

But then it went to a deeper spiritual level.

Now, I'll admit, my husband was far more in tune to this than I was at first. His conviction grew to the point where it could no longer be ignored, and the question became: "who are we to control when we have children? who are we to tell God when we are ready? are we really trusting Him with our family size and timing?" And although I wanted desperately to give God control, I also wavered in my trust of His timing because I feared the unknown. I felt SO unprepared and terrified of the idea of getting pregnant.

Getting married and experiencing intercourse for the first time was a big step, yes. A lot of unknowns there-- but there is a big jump between Sharing Life and Intimacy with your spouse, and Giving Life and Caring for your child, of whom is completely helpless and reliant on you 24/7. My husband is perfectly capable of making his own meals, driving to work and making money, maintaining personal hygeine, etc. So although there are sacrifices and commitment involved in marriage for sure.... getting pregnant, giving birth, and raising up a child for the next 18+ years is a whole new level of sacrifice that was very afraid I wouldn't be ready or willing to make.

Finally, in October 2009, we took a leap of faith and removed all forms of birth control, save for the calendar method to chart my cycle and estimate my fertility during the month. We ocassionally abstained during my fertile days. It took me a few months to overcome fear of getting pregnant, but I soon saw a change in heart and desires. What seemed overwhelming and incredibly scary soon became a curious anticipation. And six months later, at not much surprise to us, I became pregnant with our son Judah. I am certainly thankful for him and have no regrets.


Contraception, if you break down the word, really means "Contrary to Conception".

About a month before we got pregnant, my husband and I started praying Psalm 139:14-18 together every night before we went to bed:

¹⁴ I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;^b]">[b]
Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well.
¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
¹⁶ Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.
And in Your book they all were written,
The days fashioned for me,
When as yet there were none of them.
¹⁷ How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God!
How great is the sum of them!
¹⁸ If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand;
When I awake, I am still with You.

God is obviously NOT contrary to conception. He is quite FOR creating new life, and takes delight in knitting little ones together perfectly and intricately, and knew us deeply and personally even before we existed!

So, considering life starts even BEFORE conception in God's eyes... we must carefully take a look at our role in preventing or welcoming those little ones, and trusting God to see us through every moment.


Now that I'm on the postpartum side, I face a new challenge:
1. I am told that especially due to my pre-term labor and high-risk status, it is medically advisable that we wait at least 12+ months before getting pregnant again.
... I've been warned that if we get pregnant sooner, I will be at even higher risk for complications and pre-term labor. Not to mention this time around I will have an infant/toddler to care for during the pregnancy, which could very well be another bed-rest adventure.
2. Because of my son being in the NICU and not being able to breastfeed but only pump, it is likely that my fertility will return much sooner than those who breastfeed. However, it could be 3+ months before we can consistently rely on the calendar method to avoid getting pregnant due to health and safety reasons.
... and we would certainly like to resume intercourse, especially due to the infrequency of it during my complicated pregnancy and postpartum healing.


Which begs the question: How much of this do we leave up to God and have faith that He will care for us and our future children, and how much of this is our responsibility to take certain precautions for health reasons and to allow time for healing in my body to prepare for the next pregnancy?

That is still up for debate, and we're still praying for God to show us the right answer.

We are certainly not opposed to more children. If it was completely safe to get pregnant again immediately, I would be perfectly ok with that and there would be no need to discuss this issue. We've made the decision to allow God to tell us how many kids we will have in our family. We don't want to prevent children, we only want to have healthy and safe pregnancies if we can help make that happen.

I hope this encourages you in your family decisions, and feel free to make suggestions for what steps we should take postpartum. :)

Hi diddly dee, a preemie's life for me

It's amazing how my thoughts can be completely consumed by my son in one form or another. Everything seems to relate to him somehow. How can a tiny 1lb 11oz being capture my heart so completely?

Observations of preemiehood

1. The NICU is a very intimidating place, but we've learned that as long as the nurses are calm, we can be calm. All the staff at UVA has been wonderful, patient, kind, and exceptional at their job and care for Judah.
2. It is surprisingly rare to exclusively breastfeed/pump for a preemie. It is also rare for both mother and father to be actively involved and engaged with our child in the NICU. Those are both heart-breaking thoughts.
3. 'Mommy brain' is already taking over. I have so much difficulty remembering words, losing my train of thought, forgetting things, or just doing ridiculous things like putting cereal in the freezer or toothpaste on my hairbrush.
4. The smallest victories must be celebrated. Gaining an ounce is a huge step. Making it a whole day without changes to the respirator are quite the milestone.
5. The smallest things make my heart melt: Opening his eyes, flexing his fingers and toes, little squeaks and gurgles. furrowing of the brow. Oh my son, how those little things keep me smiling!
6. Most everything is out of my control... and it sucks. I can not control my child's development or progress, my schedule is based around hospital visits, overnight stays at Ronald McDonald, and playing catch-up when home.
7. I find it very difficult to accept help. I hate feeling like a charity case. I am full of pride. I am resentful and resistant. I've always been self-sufficient. I've always been the one to help others. God is using this time to strip me of everything that makes me rely on myself and forces me to rely on Him.
8. Having a child makes my love for my husband grow... having a child in the NICU has strengthened our marriage, and my faith in God.
9. My husband, having very little experience with children, has a love for our son that can not be matched. It is precious and invaluable and continues to surprise me. To hear him hum hymns and worship songs quietly to our sleeping son, to see him praying over our little one. To see the wonderment and compassion in my husband's eyes. To see his face light up each time we visit the NICU. To see his contentment as our firstborn son lies sleeping peacefully on my husband's chest. To hear him say "my son", with pride and joy.
10. Our child has captured the hearts of hundreds--maybe thousands-- of people. This is one thing that has surprised me most. Perfect strangers are moved by his story, his very life. Churches and people I have never visited or met pray for him daily. We've received spontaneous gifts of charity and generosity simply at the mention or hearsay of our tiny son. I've been humbled by the overwhelming support of friends, families, and people across the US and World... and it is beautiful to see the body of Christ moving the way God intended it to.
11. Prayer works.
12. As emotional as this season is from time to time, I have never doubted God's plan and purpose for my son's life, and the perfect timing of his arrival.
13. Judah's nurses have commented on:

• His cuteness
• How well-mannered he is
• How priviledged we are to be his parents
• How well he is doing and meeting expectations for his age and size
• How everyone in the NICU loves Judah
• That he's a fighter
  

I'd have to agree with all of that! :)

14. I could stare at him ALL DAY (and I do at every chance I get).
15. Newborn babies look ginormous!
16. I feel priviledged to see his development outside of the womb, unlike most parents. He is fearfully and wonderfully made, perfect in every way!
17. I'm in disbelief at the justification for abortion-especially late-term abortions... I've always been against it... but after seeing my son, born at 25 weeks, and knowing abortions can be performed on babies his size, angers me and breaks my heart.
18. There's a lot of things that just don't matter very much anymore, in comparison to my being a mother and wife.
19. Holding my son is addicting, calming, exhilerating, and the most peaceful feeling in the world.
20. I wasn't sure I'd say this... but I'd do it all over again in a heartbeat. And yes, I'd love to have more children--even at risk of having to go through all the sickness, ER visits, bedrest, drama, and NICU.


-Charisma