Monday, September 27, 2010


For those who may not know, as of September 9th, I've been ordered on bedrest due to an 'incompetent cervix' - meaning I'm (stable, thankfully) at 1cm dilated and 80% effaced.
Our baby (BOY!!) is perfectly healthy and growing, and nothing has changed in the last 2 1/2 weeks since then.
When this issue was originally discovered during my ultrasound, I was 22 weeks along. We were given the "worst case scenerio" talk at UVA hospital--aka "your baby may not survive" -- something I was totally unprepared for, but tried to remain hopeful. Baby had to make it to AT LEAST 23 1/2 weeks before he was considered mature enough in the lungs to even attempt to save, if he were born premature.
Thankfully, we've passed that mark at now 24 weeks (baby boy is now about 1lb and 1' in length!), though we are not out of the woods yet and still playing it safe. Every day and every week is a milestone now- one step closer to less complications, minimal drama, and a healthier baby. We thank God for the miracles He is giving us every day in keeping our baby safe in my womb.
Minus a visit to the ER for what we discovered to be Esophageal Reflux (acid reflux that causes inflammation in the lungs- very painful. boo.), I have been 'bedresting' and trying to find new routines in our home to make everything still functional.
I am on 'strict' bedrest, meaning I don't get up from the couch/bed unless to use the restroom or take a 5 minute shower. I don't leave the house except for my weekly Dr's Appt/progesterone shot (to calm any potential contractions).

Observations and misconceptions of being bedridden:
1. I am not 'sick', I am simply reducing activity to keep our baby INSIDE!
2. It's not as fun as it sounds to sit around all day and having no 'responsibilities. It gets old really quick.
3. My main challenge I've been facing is feeling guilty and useless. I am a control-freak and have a hard time asking for help. It's been hard to see my husband take care of domestic things that I'm capable of doing but not allowed to right now. It's hard having people bring meals and cook for me, when I love to cook for others. It's hard to be taking, taking, taking and not be able to give much back.
4. It's easy to forget how blessed I am, until all those little things that make up my life are suddenly taken away: I love fall weather-the festivals, seeing leaves change, baking pumpkin goodies and making chai and hot chocolate, bonfires and corn mazes, taking walks with my husband in the evening, going grocery shopping and thrift store browsing, cooking a good meal, going to church and Bible study ever week, driving the car, being in a car and going anywhere for that matter, running errands, enjoying little dates with my husband, going out with friends, traveling and exploring places... I even miss helping clean around the house.
5. It's also a reality check that when just about everything is stripped away--what still defines me? It is no longer my actions, but my heart... I am finding that I have to redefine myself and rediscover myself and my faith and relationship in God.
6. I find that it must be mostly my attitudes, my appreciation, and my reactions that define myself as my husband's wife right now. I can't SHOW him how I love him in practical ways very often, I can only tell him I love him and show him through my kind words, responses, and patience.
7. I am being forced to use and refine only one or two love languages instead of all five. It's been a challenge to not have very many resources available to me...
  • Words of Affirmation being the primary one I can use at any time.
  • Acts of Service is slim to none.
  • Gift-giving I can only do occasionally and not very extravagantly.
  • Physical Affection is very limited, too.
  • Quality Time I have a lot of, but limited to my couch and when others are available to be here.
But through this I am reminded that God has a purpose and a plan: the primary one being growing this little guy inside of me to use for His glory, and I look forward to the blessing he will be to our family- I know that will make all this worth it.
Secondary reasons are to refine and prepare me in many unseen ways for motherhood and a housewife with whole new perspectives and attitudes. It also provides me opportunities to bless others in conversation, writing notes and emails, hone new skills, and be an example of encouragement and hope to those going through their own struggles.

This little child is quite the miracle-maker already, sent directly from the Miracle-Giver, and yes he is definitely still worth fighting for... even when that fighting seems quiet and mundane!